Night Weaning

Rachel Rainbolt, M.A., CEIM
www.OhanaWellness.com

Many breastfed toddlers reach a point when they figure out that during the day, they do not want to stop being active and having fun to breastfeed. Walking and eating new solid foods are novel skills they are just too excited about to take a break, be still and nurse. They want to spend the whole day walking, playing and chowing down on solid food. But they are not yet ready to wean. They still crave the nutrition from breast milk and the bonding time from breastfeeding. Your toddler is so smart that he may realize that nighttime is boring and the perfect time to make up all that breastfeeding they have cut out of the day.

If you are reading this thinking, “That is not us at all. I have a 6 month old who wakes 3 times at night and I am ready to sleep.” This is not the article for you. I invite you to read my article Nighttime Harmony, which is all about infant sleep: http://ohanawellness.net/articles/NighttimeHarmony.html

The long process of your child growing and maturing into his independence is one that he should lead. This should be extended to all aspects of parenting, including breastfeeding. However, I also understand that for some people, under some circumstances, they must wean their little one at nighttime in order to get the sleep they need to be a good parent to that child. If you feel that this is the right choice for your baby and you, I can offer you a strategy for night weaning that maintains the dignity, respect, empathy and compassion with which you parent. This strategy contains no CIO (Cry-It-Out) and does not deny your child you, your comfort, your contact or your love.

Until your little one is old enough to understand what “night-night” means, they are too young for this (or any) nighttime weaning. Your baby should be at least 12 months old, older if you feel they don’t yet have a firm grasp on this concept. I also want to be clear that this is not a strategy for weaning from breastfeeding in general or an implication, in any way, that babies should be night weaning at 12 months old. If you are happily and functionally night nursing your sweet babe then embrace it and treasure the time, as it won’t last forever and you will look back on this precious time fondly.

You want to begin your nighttime with a nighttime routine that will help your baby to unwind, calm down and relax while filling his love cup. I suggest something like saying goodnight to the sun and hello to the moon and stars, bath, book, massage, breastfeeding. Infant massage is really the perfect thing to include in your nighttime routine because in addition to research showing that your baby can sleep longer after a massage, it addresses/prevents a lot of the causes of night-waking. I have a video that teaches a nighttime massage routine that you could learn at home on your own and integrate into your nighttime routine: http://ohanawellness.net/soothingslumbervideo.html .

So without further adieu, here is what I suggest: set a time window when "Milk is night- night." You want to tell your little one during the breastfeeding portion of their nighttime routine that just like sun goes night-night and “Baby” (insert child’s name) is going night-night and Mommy is going night-night, “milk” is going to go night-night. Substitute the word “milk” with whatever word you use for breastfeeding. Set aside a brief window of time to start with when the “milk” will be night-night. “Milk” should wake up at sunrise. Since little ones can’t tell time, the sun is the perfect indicator for them. For example, if you begin with a window of 4-6am, you breastfeed them each time they wake until 4am. The last feeding before 4am you tell your child, “Okay, milk is going night-night. Night-night milk.” When the sun wakes up, the milk wakes up.“ Then if they wake to breastfeed during the 4-6am window, remind them that “Milk is night-night. When the sun wakes up, the milk wakes up.” During this time, your baby will probably be upset and you are free to follow your maternal instincts and comfort, hold, cuddle and love your baby. Your baby is never denied access to the caregivers who love her.

Once your baby becomes relatively comfortable with the brief window, you can then expand that window as you desire. Move to 3-6am, then 2-6am, then 1-6am etc. I advise parents to ultimately land on the hours that the parent sleeps. For example, if you go to sleep at 12 midnight, the “milk” can be night-night from 12 midnight until sunrise. If you say “Milk is night-night” and then he cries and you give him milk, it will be a much longer process with more stress and lots of tears. It is important to be consistent, that is why I advise beginning with only a very brief window of time, and expanding from there.

Sleep is one of those things that you have to accept will be different when you make the decision to have a baby. If after a year or years of meeting your baby’s nighttime needs you feel your baby is ready to transition away from nighttime as mealtime, this gentle strategy can facilitate that transition in a way that is loving and comforting and does not rely on isolation or any ignoring of your baby’s cues. Using a strategy that allows you to be there, responding sensitively to any distress your baby has during this transition will extend the foundation of trust you have worked so hard to build and provide you both with more sleep.